i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
