How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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