Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
