ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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