his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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