Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
