i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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