the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
