i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
bring money and cleavage
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
