I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
