My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
