Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
