it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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