I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
