i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
