If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My vagina is officially offended.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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