I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
