I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
