you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
