you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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