haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
