Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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