i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize