so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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