Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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