I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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