i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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