i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
