Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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