I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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