I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
