I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
