The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
