my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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