this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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