summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
