does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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