I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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