I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
