hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
