I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
