I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
