OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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