highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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