someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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