pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
