Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You smell like stripper and shame
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
