I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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