Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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