is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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