Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
