summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
