By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
