Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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