Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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