so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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