girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize