Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
