I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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