she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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