His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
