I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
