Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
