i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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