Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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