do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i've created a new STD.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
