I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
