Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.

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(512): View more from Texas

OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!

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(716): View more from New York

The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast

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(631): View more from New York

Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.

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(602): View more from Arizona

You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.

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(925): View more from California

I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.

(1-925): View more from California

We just have a real special relationship.

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(310): View more from California

I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.

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(719): View more from Colorado

If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?

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