I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
