I didn't shave. On purpose
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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